Journal Entry of Polyneices (Paul Dee)
Journal Entry: 1761
I hate this day because a lot of terrible things happened that only ended up aggravating me. I was out hunting some wild animals when I heard a great uproar in the city. I was worried that something must have happened, so I rushed home immediately. There was a heavy feeling in the air when I arrived, and I knew that something was wrong. I came to realize that there were horrible events that had unfolded while I was away.
My father killed his own father and married his mother. Miserable I was when I discovered this but I was especially mortified when I found out that my father committed incest. I was dreadfully disgusted at this fact since a mother having intimate relations with her son is something that is looked down in society. “Why did this happen,” I asked myself knowing that this will destroy my family. We were disgraced and humiliated. Also, our honour that we worked so hard to achieve was forever destroyed in just a single day. I had first thought that this was the main reason why the city was in chaos, but there were apparently more reasons why. My mother had taken her own life and my father blinded himself and was exiled from Thebes. My siblings and I were left without parents to guide us. Furthermore, no one would teach us on how to become great kings and queens such as themselves. I was outraged at my father for being so stupid to marry his own mother, and at the gods for allowing all of these to happen. If he had just ignored what his heart lingered for, then both of my parents would have still been alive. Also, even if he had clear sight, he was blind to the truth for an extremely long time.
Though my father was a man who was able to think and do whatever he wanted, he was destined to be cursed. His fate had made me think of the freedom I really have. My father tried to escape his doom, but he was helpless against the power of his destiny and the gods. Because of this, it seemed to me that the free will of men is not completely free since fate also has control of a person’s life.
Right at that moment, I wanted to share the same fate as my mother and take my own life. Though killing myself would spare me the pain that I will have to endure, I still had siblings to take care of. They were young and needed someone to guide them. I had to teach them and take care of them so that they will not share the same outcome as my father. Although I am not sure on how I’ll do this, but I hope that Zeus will answer my prayers and lead us to a better future.